I wish I could say that I'm still drawing and merely participating in that "hiding" fad.

but I can't, I haven't completed anything in a year or so- I'm having some serious neurological issues that are preventing me controlling my hand the way I used to.
I finally got a diagnosis after visits to numerous ( and that's an understatement) doctors, "Chiari Malformation" is when the back of the brain is too large for the skull and pushes into the spinal column, putting pressure on the spinal cord.
The options are, living with it, or getting brain surgery, which may work, which may fail, or make things far worse. I'm a little scared on that, to be honest.
I can't tell you how upsetting it is to lose the ability to draw, something that defined me as a person. It's horrible to be unable to write stories like I used to, count change, read an analog clock and do other things that people take for granted. My IQ keeps slipping away and, once a 4.0 student, I've had to drop out of college because my grades were so wretched.
And here's where I rant: because I got a medical withdraw from college, I've lost my insurance! Man, I love this country. When you need health insurance the most, they snatch it away. No one wants to spend tons of money on a sick person. Because I have so many pre-existing conditions, I cannot get on any other insurance... trying medicaid, trying SSI (for a third time) and waiting, waiting, waiting.
Other option, move to Germany with my Uncle and Aunt for insurance. *sigh*

I'll keep trying to draw, I won't give up, but it just gets so frustrating that I sometimes never want to pick up a pencil again.


I feel like I've lost who I really am.